I went to Ocean's Saturday night hopeful for 75/150 action but the place was dead. I wound up playing short 40/80 and ran ridiculously bad right away, losing 3 racks before I won a pot that saw the turn.  My favorite of them was I raised ATs, fish called in bb.  Flop was KT7 he check/calls.  Turn is another ten and he donks (which means he has nothing, I'd raise any pair here and most ace highs I think), I raise of course, he calls and checks the river in the dark.  The river is a 9, I bet, he calls and says "full house is good" which strikes me as an odd comment, so I show my three tens and he shows J8o for the straight.  Wow.  He left shortly after with way too much money.

Eventually the game was like 4 handed with a solid live player I've played with a lot on my right.  As I have been doing a lot of lately I was completely out of line preflop, 3 betting him with 43s and stuff from the button and running good for little stretches and bad for others, swinging wildly two racks at a time. I had an interesting hand against him when I raised 66 UTG and he defended bb.  Flop was QT6r he CR, I 3 bet, he 4 bet I called.  Turn was a 7 he bet I raised, 3 bet.  At this point you have to know that he would play TT and QQ this way preflop (I know this from experience with him) so I was pretty unthrilled with the situation.  I put him on basically QQ, TT, QT, discounted Q6 and T6 and maybe AA.  I'm a favorite against this range but not by a ton, and after talking with Entity about the hand I think the play is to call and raise a non Q or T river.  At the time, however, I decided to 4 bet the turn and fold to a 5 bet but luckily he didn't 5 bet me and he check/called river with his QT.  I continued to cold deck him repeatedly and the others in the game did too and he eventually left not too happy.

I wound up playing 3 handed with an ok guy who was too weak tight and didn't know what to do with my preflop aggression, and a loose goofy old guy who was running super hot and as a result playing halfway decently postflop (aggressive because he was feeling happy and confident, which 3 handed is correct).  It was tough to put him on hands because he'd make turn bluff raises and river bluffs at random times.  Luckily the ok weak tight guy was tilted and playing even more weak tight and running bad to boot.  I played him HU while the other guy was smoking / wandering around and won probably 8 out of 9 hands, mostly just by making him fold.  I wound up making a pretty good comeback in this game to only down one rack when the random guy quit and the other guy didn't want to play HU anymore so I went home early.

It sucks that I had to take a break because I was sick, but at the same time it has been nice to relax for a few days without being hunched over a poker table grinding away for 15 hours at a time. My last actual live session was from late on Saturday the 21st to the late morning of Sunday against Crazy Mike. I attempted to play Ocean's on Sunday night but there was no game. Played a bit online after that, then waking up feeling sick as a dog on Monday. That lasted until yesterday when I started to feel slightly better. Managed to put in a little session online earlier today even though I think I've been up for about a million hours at this point. I would assume by Monday I will be ready to return to the wonderful world of poker, resuming 10k hu yo against Crazy Mike, then more Ocean's/Commerce fun. If the 75 becomes a regular thing again at Ocean's on weekends I'll probably just stick around down here, the only downside is that I'm not allowed to post any hands I play at Ocean's, while I don't really mind posting Commerce hands, but such is life.

Live poker is a funny thing. It provides a great respite from the secluded, monotonous drudgery of online multi-tabling, giving players a chance to socialize and play with chips and real cards while gambling. Many of us also enjoy how much softer the games are. But with this contract comes a terrible price: tolerating the human detritus that somehow only finds its way into a poker room. These are people you manage to avoid in the rest of your real life — they don't come over for dinner, they're not at your office, you don't buy groceries from their register, and maybe they cut you off on the 405, but you never have to engage them in conversation.

I've written some stories on 2+2 over the years detailing some encounters with such people, the real low-lifes of the poker world… there was the drunken French guy at Hollywood Park who followed me to the parking lot to try and steal back a pot I beat him out of… there was the slow-rolling coffee-housing scumbag who flossed his bloody gums at the table and smeared his fingers all over the felt… and there was the prick at the cage who refused to let me exchange a $5 chip until he had finished cashing out 3 racks.

But last night might have taken the cake. Last night at Commerce there was a person so vile that it shook up most of the 20/40 in the room. This was a person so contemptuous, so cruel, so viciously self-involved and mean-spirited, that even little old ladies were shaking their heads in pity.

Down to 6-handed, all-star floorman Archie does his best to fill up our game in a period where there's no must-move going on. He brings to our table a new player, this woman who was 300 pounds if she was an ounce, with tiny beady eyes, stringy graying hair, and a shrill, witch-like voice that pierced the air like a chainsaw.

I don't want to stress too much her physical appearance, since it's unfair to challenge someone on a weight problem or for simply being really fucking ugly. Those are petty insults, and despite the title of my thread (which you'll understand later on), it's not my intention to underscore this rhino's beastial physique. We need to concentrate on her rancid behavior and vile attitude.

The second she collapses into her seat and gets handed a rack of chips from the brush, the dealer asks if she wants a hand. She posts 4 chips in middle position and gets dealt in. An early player limps, and the action is on her. She is busy adjusting herself when the dealer motions that it's her action. She looks up at the dealer and taps a fistful of chips on the table to check. Two players fold behind her and then she tosses out 4 chips to raise. The player in the small blind tells the dealer she already checked, and the woman immediately protests, saying she was shuffling chips and was thinking about what to do. The dealer sits there silently, the woman crosses her arms and frowns until she wins her argument, and the small blind shrugs and folds.

The action on the flop is checked to her, and she taps the table hard, saying "This is me checking!" For the next three hands, she yelled out her actions to the table and the dealer: "This is me betting!" "This is me checking again! Got it? Got it?" An early position player was making a decision on a flop, and started to bet, pulled back a second, then actually bet. As he did this the woman piped up: "Dealer! That was forward motion! He needs to bet!" The guy goes, "OK, OK, I did bet, relax." She says, "I AM relaxed! You relax! I'm not the one commenting on how everyone is acting!"

At this point people are shifting in their chairs. A few hands later, a young quiet kid in seat 1 made a fairly awesome checkraise against her on the turn: he had cold-called my PFR, she had 3-bet on the button, and the flop came J84. I checked, he checked, she bet, I folded, he called. The turn was a 3. He checkraised and she called. The river checked through and he showed A8, she showed AQ. As he was quietly raking the chips she berated him for his play. She continued asking to see his hands whenever she wasn't in a pot and he called and mucked a loser.

Later on the kid limped in EP and it folded around to me in the BB and I checked garbage. I missed the flop and check-folded, and to be a good sport (I guess) he showed me JJ. Somehow the lady interpreted this badly and shouted at seat 1: "How can you be so rude?!" The kid, who hadn't uttered a word, finally turned around to Archie, who happened to be passing the table, and asked, "Archie am I rude?" The lady continued staring daggers at the kid, weirdly.

There is a breed of poker player that is universally despised by live regulars: selective choppers. This is ethics 101, and I don't know any reputable person who selectively chops. It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to deduce that this cow was a selective chopper. The first situation came up when it was folded to her SB and she completed. The BB, an out-of-it older man, looked around confused and said "You don't want to chop?" The woman stared ahead with her beady eyes, zoning into the felt and said, "No." Old man shrugged and mucked his cards because he thought she had raised. The dealer handed her the pot before telling BB that he could have checked to see a free flop. BB goes "My mistake."

And just one orbit later, a player had limped in EP and it was folded to the lady in the SB. Now she turns to the BB — the same guy — and goes "Do you want to chop?" And miraculously, he's nice about it and says, "I would, but there's someone else in the pot who already called." She didn't notice, and goes "Oh, jeez, I didn't see him, ok whatever" and mucks her cards. I guess she chops with bad hands.

She got into it one more time with the kid in seat 1, and even though he said nothing, she decided she hated him and asked for a table change. Problem was, we were still 7-handed and there were 3 names ahead of Rhino on the table change list. So not only would we have to wait until Archie filled our 2 seats, but then she would have to wait until the other 3 names got moved before her. This was a problem — the lady wouldn't stop whining about being "hostage" at this table. "I'm a hostage! I'm a hostage! I can't get a table change! This is ridiculous!"

The old man had been replaced by a lovely older woman from Vegas who turned to her new neighbor and asked her why she wanted a table change so badly. She said "Because I hate seat 1!" And the poor kid ignored her again and looked around, sighing. The older lady told her, "Oh, it's ok, he's just one person, besides you might win some of his chips so stick around." The whale wasn't buying it — she asked the dealer for an out button and stubbornly refused to play a hand until she got a table change.

Unfortunately for all of us, that didn't occur for 3 more orbits. She decided to come back in out of boredom, so when the button passed she asked the dealer if she could take a hand. He said yes, took the out button away, and dealt her in. She didn't post. Now, I had been absolutely quiet the entire time, not wanting to confront the dinosaur in the wild. But I accidentally spoke, and quietly said, "six chips." She looked at me for the first time and I swear my head was going to freeze into stone staring at Medusa's visage… her steely glare piercing my frightened eyes.

"Are you the dealer?" I said nothing. "Excuse me! Are you the dealer!" I rolled my eyes. "Because I don't see you dealing! The dealer will tell me how many chips to post!" He didn't. Finally I said another sentence, "I was just trying to help, ma'am. I wasn't sure you knew how many chips to post to come back in the game."

"Oh, I know the rules, young man! I know the rules! You can be sure of that!" Then she started screaming her head off for a table change again.

Poor Archie came over to her and, for the second time, calmly explained that she was waiting in line for a change and there wasn't one available yet. In a very very rare display for this supreme gentleman, Archie almost lost his cool and said "If you want me to record this speech about table changes so you can play it back, let me know. I've told you how it works."

About 20 interminable minutes later, the beast was unleashed from our table and we all exhaled a collective sigh of delight, looking around like villagers saved from an erupting volcano whose molten lava just barely escaped crashing into our bamboo homes. The kid in seat 1 looked at me first and shook his head wildly, pleading with me for sympathy. I just said, "I know. I know." And the older lady who had recently sat down exclaimed, "That woman has problems. I really hope she gets help and realizes who she is, because that is just so sad."

Of course, 10 minutes into her table change, I could see 2 tables over that she was already getting into it with her new unsuspecting victims. She was up on her feet leaning over the table jawing at everyone who would listen. It was one of the most pathetic sights of my life. Towards the end of my session, the kid in seat 1 stood up suddenly and walked over to me (I was in seat 8). He leaned into my ear and whispered, "There are very few gentlemen like you." I was absolutely startled and immediately flattered, and all I could say was "Thanks, dude." When he sat back down I tossed him a yellow and said, "Lucky chip."

He won the next pot on a giant suckout and tossed a chip back at me, and said, "Lucky chip."

I patted the table in thanks and sat back in my chair, ready to rack up and go out to a party at a loft downtown with my girlfriend and a big group of buddies. I started thinking about how different people's lives are, and how paths cross at Commerce among completely disparate souls. If I ever feel bad about where I come from, or feel guilty over misbehaving at the table, I can always think back to this horrific display of gross inhumanity and remember that things could be worse. My existence, random as it may be, has been blessed with at least a little bit of luck among the variance of the human condition.

I apologize for the lack of Vegas updates but really, other than the fun game I posted about already I was pretty boring this trip.  I ate a lot of decent meals with 2+2ers in visiting, including stops at Nobhill (MGM) and Mesa Grill (Caesar's) which both rarely disappoint.  I played a decent amount of 50/100 and 100/200 over the last few days there, with mostly small wins and losses except a rough 1/2 session where I got swatted for 6k basically seeing 82o and it's friends for several hours of uneventful losing.  It's boring to lose by getting blinded off let me tell you.

I played the 1500 limit shootout and had an insanely soft table.  After weeks of playing solid in cash games with less than stellar results, I was finally feeling frustrated and really LAGging it up in the shootout, filled with loose passive players and a few weak tighties.  Not really the smartest idea but I had a lot of decent hands too preflop so it wasn't like I was playing maniacally.  Typical hand was: I raise J5s from MP, weak tight coldcalls, blinds call.  Flop JQ5 I bet, weak tight raises, blinds fold, I just call.  Turn brick I checkraise, river brick I value bet, he calls and shows JQo.  Nice hand buddy.  Same guy just called preflop with QQ in the big blind and won a decent pot off me on a 9 high board (I had tens).  River was an ace and he checked to me so I value bet after getting action on the turn and putting him on just the nine.  He check/called with the QQ and I looked dumb but easiest value bet ever in a cash game, I have no idea how these tournament guys do it.

Anyway I busted 7th uneventfully, short stacked the whole time.  Luckily I recouped $50 when I won a last longer with James282. He had himself, I had Crazy Mike, who was at the same table along with Sublime and Schneids, nice table huh?  Anyway he failed to realize Crazy Mike is a limit tournament monster and Mike busted James personally, netting me some cool cash.  Joe, Crazy Mike, and I drove home that evening, sick of Vegas, WSOP, losing, etc. and stopped for Greek food in the middle of nowhere which was good times.  I played with Crazy Mike's iPhone the whole way home and he slept and then later taught me how to be a great heads up limit holdem player, so I'll probably give that another shot online soon.

I need a day or two to recover and catch up on life, then its online poker grinding time I guess.  Also I have DeucesCracked.com videos to make and a neat article to write about a poker idea I finally got implemented in Vegas with the help of BigBabyDougie / Gonores which you'll hear about soon.

My wife and her family went home on Sunday and I headed to the Rio for the first time to buy into and play the 5k limit hold'em "world championship" WSOP event.  The event only drew 260 people or so which made me think it was going to be an extremely tough field.  I was pleasantly surprised to see some mediocre play at best from many of my opponents.

My starting table featured Phil Laak, Hoss TBF two to my right, Terri (mid to high stakes limit player at Bellagio) to my immediate left, and a guy I found out later is 2+2er bxpeter and a few randoms including one huge fish who did lots of calling and making monsters.  Phil Laak looked like he hadn't slept in days and was zonking out at the table and playing poorly when he would wake up.  Later Gavin Smith got moved to our table and he played about as ridiculous as possible, but I managed to keep him alive by doubling him up when my AKs couldn't outrun his A3o, and later JJ couldn't top his 99 AI preflop.  I got through 6 hours at this table up a bit from my starting 10k.  We broke and I got moved to a couple different tables in rapid succession and stopped winning any pots and quickly bled down my stack.  Finally I played this hand: CO opens, he appears typical, tightish pre and a bit weird post.  I defend BB with A8s. Flop is A93 with two clubs (no clubs for me) I check/call.  Turn is a 2, I check, he bets, I tank awhile and call.  River is a 4 and I check he bets super quick and I call even faster.  I felt like on the river he is going to have some sort of monster or completely nothing given the scariness of the board.  Of course he owned me and had AQo which made IMO a poor value bet but clearly not as I paid off like a fish.  That left me extremely short, with 1400 chips at 500/1000 limit.

Then I did something really dumb that I can't explain how I let happen, as I don't think I've ever done it in a cash game and I've logged a lot of hours at live poker.  ZeeJustin opened to 1000 UTG, folded to me in the CO where I didn't see his open raise and think I am opening with J9o to steal the blinds with my last 1400, instead I find out I have to raise all in vs his UTG range,  and now super solid button 4 bets it. I flop a pair but don't outrun button's aces, and ZeeJustin thinks I'm a retard and rightfully so.  He as nicely as he could asked me after the hand as I was collecting my shit if I didn't see him open and I confirmed it while leaving as fast as I could.  Not like it would have changed much probably but a pretty sad end nonetheless.  In total I played for 8.5 hrs or so and out lasted half the field, but never had any chips to speak of so it wasn't like I was this close to going deep, I never was.  In those 8.5 hours I had QQ once and AK once which is pretty ridiculously card dead.

Ian J and jgorham both have tons of chips after day one I think which is super standard for them.  Wish I knew how they did it as my WSOP tourney experience is all-too-familiar: never put any sort of string together and have a healthy stack, just wait to get short and try and hang on.  Ugh.

Later last night I played some 100/200 at the Bellagio in by far the best game I've seen since I've been out here.  I got stucko right away, then started running hot, showing down all sorts of ridiculous stuff that was somehow a winner and ran up two racks, then I calmed down, played super solid and got hand after hand cracked to give those racks right back and finish down 5k and decide I needed sleep.

I have my hotel room until Wednesday so I guess I'll be playing lots of cash games for a couple days but I'm still clueless as to how I'm going to win, it seems not to be.

Arrived in Vegas yesterday early afternoon and checked in.  I hung out with my wife and her family for most of the evening, finally ditching them around 11 when everyone went to sleep and I headed to Bellagio to get my gamble on.  The room was packed and I had to wait two hours for a 60/120 or 100/200 seat, so I played some uneventful 15/30 and poked around the room looking for familiar faces.  I found Ian J and jgorham playing 200/400 and said hi, but nobody else I knew was around.  There were a ton of biggish games going already, black chip mix games, 50/100 NL, 200/400 hold'em, and a standard big mix game in Bobby's Room.  Sadly, aba20 wasn't playing Sammy when I was there which I was hoping to see after reading all the NVG threads about it for the last few days.

Eventually I got into a must move 60/120 that was pretty tough, a lot tougher than I expected.  6 probably winning players, everyone playing ok.  Some girl named Lana I think who I've never seen before was killing us playing pretty LAG but always showing down monsters.  She checkraised me on the turn all five times I can remember seeing one against her and I was fairly stucko.  Moved to the main game which had a lot of action from earlier apparently but was settling down as the big maniac finally busted and some kid who is probably some good internet player I didn't recognize took 6 racks out of the game.  There were still a couple soft spots and I was running better and came back as we got shorthanded and booked a 1k win.  More importantly I played extremely well and felt like this was a nice way to start off my trip.  I read Stox' book on the plane and the "hands with Stox" section really got my mind back in the right form, keeping up my aggression and confidence.

Today I'm going to Blue man group with my wife's family and then taking them out to dinner at Delmonico's which should be yummy.  Maybe I'll get some poker in late tonight, we'll see. Off to read some WSOP updates as I won't get over to the Rio until Sunday for the 5k limit I'm sure.